Yes, THAT pope!
What better way to kick this thing off in style, than to interview one of the most recognized and beloved people on the planet? I'm not half-assing it here! So without further ado...
Deft Digits: Hi! How are you today?
Pope Benedict: My day, thusfar, has been blessed, similar to the other days that have preceded this one. Thank you for asking.
DD: So let's cut the crap here and get straight to the burning questions that everyone's been wanting to ask. What's with the hat?
PB: The pontiff hat has sacred roots going back to the 2nd century A.D, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would show it a little more respect.
DD: Of course, of course. My bad. Right then, why are the ranking officials within your organization named after birds?
PB: Organization? You're talking about the Roman Catholic Church, founded by Jesus Christ himse...
DD: That's great. But why are the ranking officials named after birds?
PB: If you are speaking of Cardinals, they are not named after bir...
DD: Can they fly?
PB: Of course they cannot fly, my child.
DD: Is it because they wear red?
PB: *sighs* Yes, I suppose it is because they wear red. Do you have any serious questi...
DD: Defend the church's position on the Spanish Inquisition for me.
PB: .......
DD: Don't be shy!
PB: .......
DD: Aw come on, fella!
PB: That was many centuries ago. Things have chang...
DD: Lies!
PB: .......
DD: Explain to me how rounding up tens of thousands of men and women around the world, and having them work for free, for an omnipotent, invisible master, isn't an incognito form of slavery?
PB: Surely you jest!
DD: If I was jesting, I would've whipped out my joke about the hermaphroditic porn star, the priest, and the rabbi. And please, don't call me Shirley.
PB: This is ridiculous!
DD: Oh, the slavery? I agree. So what's with that?
PB: You are asking ridiculous questions, my child! Please refrain from this, or I'm afraid I'll have to...
DD: Back to the Cardinals, for a moment. I know they wear red, but I'm just not buying that being the only reason..
PB: I will not dignify that with a response. I'm afraid this is your last..
DD: Hiding something, eh? I guess I should've expected that coming in.
PB: I am not hiding...
DD: So what's with the...
PB: Now you listen here, child! I am the Pope! I am to be treated and addressed with respect! I apologize for raising my voice, but thusfar, your behavior has been quite puzzling, to say the least!
DD: I sincerely apologize, Mr. Arnold. So what's with the...
PB: Mr. Arnold? My name is Pope Benedict!
DD: I apologize again! I just thought I would be respectful and address you by your more formal name.
PB: But my name is Pope Benedict! POPE BENEDICT!
DD: Have it your way, Pope Benedict. But I thought Benedict was just your first name.
PB: Insolent fool! It is my wish that the Gods punish you, and...
DD: Gods? Did you just say GODS? Isn't your whole church deal centered around ONE God? Caught you in a bit of a pickle there, eh?
PB: Imbecile! This interview is over!
DD: Arrivederci, baby!
What better way to kick this thing off in style, than to interview one of the most recognized and beloved people on the planet? I'm not half-assing it here! So without further ado...
Deft Digits: Hi! How are you today?
Pope Benedict: My day, thusfar, has been blessed, similar to the other days that have preceded this one. Thank you for asking.
DD: So let's cut the crap here and get straight to the burning questions that everyone's been wanting to ask. What's with the hat?
PB: The pontiff hat has sacred roots going back to the 2nd century A.D, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would show it a little more respect.
DD: Of course, of course. My bad. Right then, why are the ranking officials within your organization named after birds?
PB: Organization? You're talking about the Roman Catholic Church, founded by Jesus Christ himse...
DD: That's great. But why are the ranking officials named after birds?
PB: If you are speaking of Cardinals, they are not named after bir...
DD: Can they fly?
PB: Of course they cannot fly, my child.
DD: Is it because they wear red?
PB: *sighs* Yes, I suppose it is because they wear red. Do you have any serious questi...
DD: Defend the church's position on the Spanish Inquisition for me.
PB: .......
DD: Don't be shy!
PB: .......
DD: Aw come on, fella!
PB: That was many centuries ago. Things have chang...
DD: Lies!
PB: .......
DD: Explain to me how rounding up tens of thousands of men and women around the world, and having them work for free, for an omnipotent, invisible master, isn't an incognito form of slavery?
PB: Surely you jest!
DD: If I was jesting, I would've whipped out my joke about the hermaphroditic porn star, the priest, and the rabbi. And please, don't call me Shirley.
PB: This is ridiculous!
DD: Oh, the slavery? I agree. So what's with that?
PB: You are asking ridiculous questions, my child! Please refrain from this, or I'm afraid I'll have to...
DD: Back to the Cardinals, for a moment. I know they wear red, but I'm just not buying that being the only reason..
PB: I will not dignify that with a response. I'm afraid this is your last..
DD: Hiding something, eh? I guess I should've expected that coming in.
PB: I am not hiding...
DD: So what's with the...
PB: Now you listen here, child! I am the Pope! I am to be treated and addressed with respect! I apologize for raising my voice, but thusfar, your behavior has been quite puzzling, to say the least!
DD: I sincerely apologize, Mr. Arnold. So what's with the...
PB: Mr. Arnold? My name is Pope Benedict!
DD: I apologize again! I just thought I would be respectful and address you by your more formal name.
PB: But my name is Pope Benedict! POPE BENEDICT!
DD: Have it your way, Pope Benedict. But I thought Benedict was just your first name.
PB: Insolent fool! It is my wish that the Gods punish you, and...
DD: Gods? Did you just say GODS? Isn't your whole church deal centered around ONE God? Caught you in a bit of a pickle there, eh?
PB: Imbecile! This interview is over!
DD: Arrivederci, baby!
It's so good to be back in good old 2011! You see, I just got back from the year 10,021,784 BC, and well, it sucked. You try going back to 10,021,784 BC and making a new blog post. You try going back to 10,021,784 BC and updating your twitter or facebook. You try... you get the point. The only musical instruments I saw were some dumbass flutes made of bamboo, so that sucked. The only food I ate was some raunchy mystery meat that still had all of it's former vessel's inner and outer workings attached, so that sucked. The only people I communicated with grunted at me like I owed them something, so that sucked. And the only friendly creature I met happened to be some 100 foot tall dinosaur who came damn close to playfully ripping me in half a few times, and that definitely sucked.